someundefinedaesthetic:

c

2 months ago + 1 via

#i really hope i’m wrong but like. the logical side of me is 97% sure he’s going to choose to go #even though the emotional side of me hit this realization (delusion? false sense of security?) that he won’t

c

2 months ago + 1

#i really really really really really really really really really really don’t want him to move #at least not so far away #but i can’t tell him that because then in the selfish bitch standing in the way of his dreams and career #and he’ll still choose do to whatever it is he’s going to do but he’ll resent me for saying i want him around #but i can’t imagine life where i can’t talk to him on the phone because he’s halfway across the world #6 hours behind to be exact #and i won’t get to see him in person for two years #like that breaks my fucking heart and i don’t know how to deal with it

i think about being a parent sometimes

#like how i would like to raise my kids #how id like to teach them to be self-sustaining and to socialize in a healthy way #to respect and appreciate the land and not spend all their time indoors/on the internet #how i’d model emotional regulation and patience #how id handle them as teenagers being dumb and doing stupid shit #what i’d do if they Royally fucked up #how i could show them i can be their parent and a human being at the same time #and weirdly such a big part of me wants a little boy #idk if it’s like. societal pressure/expectation or if i know how hard it is being a woman #but i think about this fictional son of mine a Lot

rearte2:
“by Mitsuaki Sora
”

by Mitsuaki Sora

2 months ago + 1037 via

uh oh!

#thought i was actually ok last night #in fact better than ok i thought i was stoked with the outcome #but alas it did keep me up ALL night ruminating/spiraling and now i’m crying about it today #which is a little silly because it went well! about as well as i could have hoped!#but now i’m grieving (again) (what else is new)#because even though i kept telling myself it wouldn’t happen it would never happen #part of me always held out hope that i would be the exception for him like he was for me #or that once he knew how much i loved him that he would come to his senses and realize he loves me too #but things don’t work out the way i picture and like. that’s fine. but now im just sad about it #and i’m sad that he’s sad #and i’m feeling very protective/motherly towards him #like i just want to soothe him and take care of him and make it better #obviously i can’t but it breaks my heart that he’s feeling like this and that im partially to blame

i literally still can’t believe i did that

#and now i’m spiraling #like he handled it so beautifully #and i didn’t feel awkward about it after #like we had a little therapy sesh and then went back to chatting/joking like nothing happened #but now i’m worried he’s going to think that the only reason i want to see/talk to him is bc i like him #and now i want to tell him EVERYTHING but that would be pushing it for him i think #also throws any chance of us kissing ‘just to practice! no feelings attached!’ out the window lmao

FUCKING INSANE NEWS THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE

#i FINALLY told ***** how i feel/felt about him #oh my god??????#my heart was beating SO FUCKING FAST #i cannot believe i actually said it #and he just instantly started crying so of course i felt awful #and he was like ‘i’m so sorry i wish i could reciprocate those feelings i really do’#and i’m like dude you have NOTHING to be sorry for we were just talking about a similar topic and #i couldn’t handle the secret anymore like i needed to get it off my chest #and he was so sad and i was also so sad but at least we got some resolution #he was like ‘at least that makes me feel better about myself’ hahahahhaha #DUDE i’m still shitting tbh

x

4 months ago + 1

#i think our dynamic goes more or less like this:#i like talking to him and being around him. he likes talking to me but likes being around people in real life more #so me wanting to talk to him so frequently annoys him and he doesn't hide that very well #which means i get my feelings hurt and don't want to let him know because that just gives him more reason to be annoyed with me #but our frustrations really aren't equal - he's mad because i'm being an inconvenience to him and i'm mad because of how he treats me #and don't get me wrong i would LOVE to be any other way #to be that cool girl that doesn't get upset by her friends having other friends and obligations #to have my own irl friends and obligations and forget about my past #but i am who i have been and i can't be anyone else - how do you remove yourself from every you you've ever been?

someundefinedaesthetic:

x

7 months ago + 2 via

#NO FUCKIN WAY #bc i just talked to him & he’s thinking about asking out this guy named nick #OUCH #but also i’m in SO MUCH TROUBLE #we talked a lot about mixed signals and being in love w friends #and buying a house together and getting married etc #like i’m so in love w this man unfortunately #GOD #why did i talk him into asking out this nick character #when i love him SO MUCH it’s insane

delicatuscii-wasbella102:

7 months ago + 209 via

i’m in trouble lol

#very vivid fantasy going on rn #and not about the girl i’m king of dating !

lesbianarthistory:

Nienke S. – My Love For Women

7 months ago + 992 via

the-sappho-of-lesbos:

Source: The Art Of Lesbian Lovemaking , by Rose Black and Lilly Glück - Illustrations by Paula

7 months ago + 940 via

shehowlsatthemoon:

by mayticks

7 months ago + 3135 via

equatorjournal:
“varadero beach, 1970’s
”

equatorjournal:

varadero beach, 1970’s

7 months ago + 10090 via